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So. I've been thinking a lot about death. Not in an emo way,… - Tangle of a Conversation

About So. I've been thinking a lot about death. Not in an emo way,…

Previous Entry Oct. 22nd, 2009 @ 11:46 pm Next Entry
So.

I've been thinking a lot about death.
Not in an emo way, either.

It crossed my mind, given recent circumstances.
Over and over in my head, I replayed what I thought might be the last seconds.
Seconds in which you say goodbye.
Seconds in which you idly stare at everyone and say nothing.
The second before the final drop on a roller coaster.


There's nothing.

I can't even begin to imagine a moment where I don't think, remember, dream, wish, speak, tune out, glaze over, etc...nothing. Not one moment.

I can think of drinking and even then, I have never once blacked out. Anyone who has ever been with me during a night of heavy drinking knows that I would much rather prefer vomiting over blacking out.

I just can't imagine it.

In my secularism, there is nothing.
No moment afterward that I can leap into and no moment I can grasp onto.
It comes and it happens. I don't think it is avoidable.

The light dims and goes out.


Dawkins can write all he wants about the need to live out our lives, but frankly I think he wakes up some nights dreading that final second, much like any religious follower.

I'm no more religious, than atheist.
No one is ready to die, except those who know it is coming.
Like a roller coaster, I assume you grab the bar just one more time, hold your breath, close your eyes...


I have passed out more than most.
The last sense you lose is hearing, just so you know.
Three miniature bones -evolutionary traits- are all that keep us listening to sobs, goodbyes, I love yous, miss you, etc...rather than our mouthing the words, "It's hard to make the good things last", in a second of utter silence.
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From:chouyu_31
Date:October 22nd, 2009 04:02 pm (UTC)
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If someone truly believes in their religion, there should be no fear or dread in the final seconds.

I understand your thoughts and feelings, I have laid in bed clutching my pillow, wishing for enough naiveté to be able to convince myself that there is something after. But I can't lie to myself. So I try to enjoy my time with people, and do all the things I need to do before I die.

That's all we really can do.
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From:desultorif
Date:October 27th, 2009 02:37 am (UTC)
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I agree.
I guess I would be happy if I could take on those final seconds without any regrets or without a list of things unaccomplished.
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From:ziridescence
Date:October 22nd, 2009 11:43 pm (UTC)
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Wow, that is some heavy stuff. But beautifully poetic :)
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From:desultorif
Date:October 27th, 2009 02:38 am (UTC)
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Yeah, I was worried about getting too heavy, but the thought was weighing me down. Writing it out did prove to take it off my shoulders for the moment though.
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