Oct. 20th, 2009 @ 11:13 am
That sounds so incredibly hard. How in the world does a person make decisions about one's own life, conveniences, major lifestyle and location choices, and the other people who are important to us and their own needs and wants? Is there anything that you would like in the way of support around this? I think that choosing to stay where you are is an acceptable choice, as is going home to help out for a while. Are you on your parents HIPPA information? You could potentially call and talk to their doctors directly.
I struggle with my own parents' situations and how much I should or shouldn't help out. I live far away from both of them, though not as far as you are from yours currently (assuming you are still outside the US). My mother has no money. Partially by circumstance, partially by choice. I send her money frequently. She took care of me for half my life, how can I not take care of her now? And yet I can get so frustrated at time with her continuing to make choices that make it hard to provide for herself. My dad doesn't have any money really either, but he has his SSD distribution, which is enough to get by on as long as nothing goes wrong. He writes about his dying fridge or the need to repair a sewage line, and I find myself wanting to help, but there is only so much I can help before I am compromising my own life too much in ways that I don't want to.
I hated being so far away when he had his heart attack and I didn't know how things were. But I don't want to live in the south. I love where I am living. It is hard to watch him grow old and infirm. He uses one of the little electric seated carts now when he shops. It made me have to work really hard not to break down and cry in Wal Mart, which is where we were.
I completely understand your feelings on the situation with your own parents.
I have had some people tell me that it is my parents who have to make decisions in their life and have to do what is best for themselves, but somehow I wonder if they have just been fortunate enough to have parents that didn't succumb to various sicknesses, mental problems, failures...etc.
Sometimes, I envy how free of their parents they can be, because their parents seem so much better equipped to handle life or have been quite fortunate.
The balancing act is not my strongest point and I fear the holidays will prove to be much the same. Breakdowns, fighting, ridicules, tears, etc...
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